Poor transition refers to the shift of topic(s) in the middle of a paragraph.
WRONG
RIGHT

1.

Dear Mr. Smith,

I am interested in your business communication program. Actually, I had a phone conversation with you. After our conversation, there is still additional information that I would like to know.

Dear Mr. Smith,

We had a phone conversation yesterday regarding your esteemed business communication program. Thank you for taking time in explaining the objectives of your program to me. I have become more enthusiastic in joining the program since our conversation. The mentorship component of your program is particularly attractive among the various course modules. Could you please provide me with more information regarding the selection criteria of candidates for the mentorship scheme?

2.

I have some relevant skills for this position as I work at the Chocolate Rain company. I have the ability to use Adobe illustrator and Photoshop well to create layout and other needs. I helped with the selling of different kinds of products when I worked there. This helped me understand what is going on in the design industry.

My part-time work experience at the Chocolate Rain company has equipped me with relevant design skills and knowledge for the position of Junior Graphic Designer. I am especially skilled in using Adobe illustrator and Photoshop to create layouts that satisfy customer’s needs. I also helped with the selling of various products during my employment with Chocolate Rain. This experience helps me gain insights into the tastes and preferences across different groups of consumers.

3.

I am proficient in both Chinese and English, and I am willing to travel to factories in China for work. I was a promoter for X Company, this work experience has allowed me to be in touch with customers from different places and has provided chances for me to communicate with customers in English and Putonghua. Also, I have been to Taiwan for a study trip and visited factories there. I was able to communicate with Taiwan students in Putonghua. I think the language skills trained through these experiences would help me communicate with customers and colleagues in Mainland China and other countries.

I am proficient in both Chinese and English, and I am prepared to work at branches based outside Hong Kong if necessary. My previous job as a promoter for X Company has given me the opportunity to be in touch with customers around the world, including USA, Australia, Singapore and Mainland China. My ability to speak fluently in Putonghua and English has helped me communicate effectively with customers. My fluent Putonghua has also helped me communicate with students from Taiwan during a study tour. The above-mentioned experiences has equipped me with effective communication skills and enhanced my proficiency in both Chinese and English. I am confident that my language proficiency would help me communicate well with customers and colleagues of different backgrounds effectively.

 

Click here to learn how to organize ideas effectively in a paragraph.

Raise your question